Webmaster, I would propose the following changes:

1. When I log onto the site, I think you should make 3 naked chics, 8s at a minimum, appear in my office.

2. When I start a new thread, I should be rewarded with a 25 year old bottle of scotch. You can overnight it to my house.

3. When I delete spam, $100 per deletion should be credited to my pay pal account.

4. When I smite an unworthy arguer on some obscure GCR provision, I should be awarded a t-shirt stating "I kicked ass on It.Com."

The above are obviously reasonable requests and I think you should implement them immediately.