Ben:

With a story like that to get the adventure started, why screw around w/ what Greg says. Get out a big-ass battery and jumper it. By the time any fuel might get from the pump to the engine, it might have some oil moving. Besides you'll get that satisfaction of hearing it run so much faster. Any damage to the cylinders that the oil down the plug holes solves, you already did by bumping it in gear. Treat it like a $500 car. I did that w/ a parts car then re-built the motor. There was no evidence of damage from having started it after sitting for 3 years. Hell, it even ran well on the 3 year old fuel.

As far as your Phillips Disease, I suspect you are much like many of us, summed up by a friend "I'm not in a place in my life I can go chase new pussy, but I can go get a another car!"